I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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