Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
