Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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