i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We named our party play list daddy issues
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
