did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
