why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
