But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
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