Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
