the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
