I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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