just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
