I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
