I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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