fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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