the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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