I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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