tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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