i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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