Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
