Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
