I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
