Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
