Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
