wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
