Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
