I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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