I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
