do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
