he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
