Do you still have your period?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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