I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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