I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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