so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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