worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
