idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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