he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
