if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
