Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
