Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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