she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
