I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
