did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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