Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
