you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
