Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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