i was born a porn star she said
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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