My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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