I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
