Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
