So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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