If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
