Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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