He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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